Starting university in the UK can feel like being dropped into a new country-even if you’ve lived in the same city your whole life. Everyone else seems to already know each other. Groups laugh together in the dining hall. People text about weekend trips you weren’t invited to. You sit alone in lectures, wondering if you’re the only one who feels this way. You’re not. Social anxiety doesn’t disappear just because you’re in a new place. But it doesn’t have to stop you from making real friends either.
Why university friendships feel harder than they should
Universities in the UK are packed with people who are also nervous. But most of them are better at hiding it. You see someone smiling in the library, and you assume they’ve got it all figured out. The truth? They’re probably thinking the same thing about you. The difference isn’t confidence-it’s action. People who make friends early aren’t naturally outgoing. They just keep showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable.
One study from University College London tracked first-year students over six months. Those who attended just two social events in their first month were twice as likely to report feeling connected by term two. It wasn’t about being the life of the party. It was about showing up consistently.
Start small-your brain will thank you
Trying to walk into a crowded bar and introduce yourself to a group of strangers? That’s a recipe for panic. You don’t need to do that. Start with micro-interactions. The kind that take less than 30 seconds and cost nothing.
- Ask the person next to you in lecture: “Did you get the reading for Thursday?”
- Compliment someone’s notebook: “I love how organized your notes are.”
- Say hi to the barista at the campus café every time you go.
These aren’t deep conversations. But they build something more important: familiarity. Your brain starts to associate people with safety instead of threat. That’s the foundation of friendship.
One student I spoke with, Maya from Manchester, started by saying “thanks” to the same two people who sat near her in biology lab. After two weeks, they started sharing snacks. By month three, they were studying together. No grand gestures. Just small, repeated moments.
Join something-even if it scares you
Clubs and societies are the quiet engine of university friendships. They’re not just for people who already have friends. They’re for people who want them.
At most UK universities, there are over 200 student groups. You don’t need to be an expert. You don’t need to be loud. You just need to show up. Want to talk about sci-fi books? There’s a club. Interested in hiking the Lake District? There’s a group. Even something as simple as a board games society or a vegan cooking club works.
Here’s the trick: pick something that doesn’t require performance. Avoid open-mic nights or debate societies if you’re not ready. Go for low-pressure activities where the focus is on the task, not on you. You’ll naturally bond over shared focus-whether it’s knitting, volunteering, or playing chess.
At the University of Edinburgh, the “Quiet Book Club” started as a way for introverted students to read together without pressure to speak. It now has 120 members. No speeches. Just books, tea, and silence that feels comfortable.
Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel
Scrolling through Instagram, you see photos of people at pub nights, weekend trips, and group dinners. It looks like everyone else is living their best life. But here’s what you don’t see: the 3 a.m. panic attacks, the texts they never sent, the days they stayed in bed because they couldn’t face the dining hall.
Social media doesn’t show the struggle. It shows the outcome. And outcomes are misleading.
One student, Jamie from Bristol, told me they spent their first term thinking everyone else had 10 close friends. They had zero. Then, in their second term, they started asking people: “How did you make your first real friend here?” The answers were always the same: “I was terrified. I didn’t know how to start. I just said hi.”
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re just early in the process.
Use your accommodation as a launchpad
If you live in university halls, you’re already in the perfect environment for making friends. You’re living with 20+ other people who are also new, also unsure, also looking for connection.
Don’t wait for someone to invite you to a party. Start small there too.
- Leave a note on the fridge: “Anyone want to split the cost of pasta tonight?”
- Ask if someone wants to walk to class with you.
- Offer to borrow their charger-then ask if they’d like to grab coffee sometime.
Shared space creates shared moments. And shared moments turn into friendships. One student at King’s College London started a “No-Pressure Coffee” sign outside her room. It just said: “Coffee’s on. No talking required.” Within a week, three people showed up. One of them became her closest friend.
It’s okay to have one friend first
You don’t need a squad. You don’t need a group chat with 15 people. One real friend is enough to start healing the loneliness.
That one person becomes your anchor. They’re the one you text when you’re overwhelmed. The one who notices you’re quiet and asks, “You okay?” The one who invites you along-not because they feel sorry for you, but because they genuinely want you there.
Focus on quality, not quantity. A single meaningful friendship is worth more than five shallow ones. And that one friend? They’ll likely introduce you to their circle. Friendships grow from roots, not from planting seeds everywhere.
What to do when you feel overwhelmed
Some days, even saying “hi” feels impossible. That’s normal. Anxiety doesn’t vanish overnight. But you can learn to move through it.
Try this: When you feel panic rising, name it. Say out loud-or in your head: “This is anxiety. It’s not danger. It’s just a feeling.” Then do one tiny thing anyway. Walk to the student union. Sit in the common room. Say hello to the person next to you in line.
University mental health services in the UK offer free, confidential support. Most campuses have peer mentoring programs too. These aren’t for “serious” problems. They’re for anyone who feels stuck. You don’t need to be in crisis to ask for help.
At the University of Nottingham, the “Buddy System” pairs new students with second-year mentors. Not to fix them. Just to sit with them. To say: “I was here too. It gets easier.”
Progress isn’t linear
Some weeks, you’ll make three new connections. Other weeks, you’ll stay in your room. That’s okay. Growth isn’t a straight line. It’s two steps forward, one step back. And that’s still forward.
Don’t measure yourself by how many people you talk to. Measure yourself by whether you showed up when you didn’t want to. That’s the real win.
By the end of your first year, you won’t remember the parties you missed. You’ll remember the person who sat with you during finals week. The one who sent you a meme when you were crying. The one who said, “I get it.”
You’ll realize: you didn’t need to be the loudest. You just needed to be there.
What if I don’t click with anyone in my course?
You don’t have to be friends with everyone in your class. University friendships often form outside your academic circle-through societies, accommodation, or campus events. Focus on shared interests, not shared modules. Someone who loves the same music or hiking trail as you is more likely to become a friend than someone who took the same lecture.
Is it too late to make friends if I’m already in my second year?
No. Many students form their closest friendships in their second or third year. People are still adjusting. Groups shift. Clubs change. You’re not behind. You’re just starting at a different point. Join a new society. Attend a campus event. Say hi to someone sitting alone in the library. It’s never too late.
How do I know if someone is open to friendship?
Look for small signs: they remember your name, they ask follow-up questions, they smile when you walk in. If they respond to your messages, even briefly, that’s a green flag. Don’t overanalyze. Just keep showing up. Friendship grows from repeated, low-pressure contact-not from reading signals.
What if I’m from a different culture and feel out of place?
Many international students feel this way-and universities have support networks for it. Look for cultural societies, international student groups, or language exchange programs. These spaces are designed for people who feel like outsiders. You’re not alone. And you don’t have to explain your culture to be accepted. Just be yourself.
Should I force myself to go to parties if I hate them?
No. Parties aren’t the only way to connect. Many friendships form over coffee, walks, study sessions, or volunteering. If parties make you anxious, avoid them. There are dozens of other ways to meet people. Your comfort matters more than fitting into a stereotype of what university life “should” look like.